October 3, 2005

A break from the grind had me perusing the memories section of my LJ account. It came across one of the first iterations of 5 questions. It’s eerie.

From the ironymaiden

5. i think we all have blind spots about our physical selves. (my mental image of me is several clothes sizes smaller than actual size.) what do you imagine about yourself to be better/worse until you get a dose of reality?

I’m overweight, and not in the dark about it. But I still consider myself to be in relatively good shape, since I still have a weight lifter’s build, and my doctor isn’t yelling at me. My fiction is that I can drop a bunch of weight in a couple months if I were to start working out again.

The funny part is that I can, but the reason I got as big as I am is that I took a desk job, and stopped working warehouses. I’d have to add back in about 2 hours in the gym every other day, and start road work again to do so. When I come home at night, my brain is full of spreadsheets, and I just want to play video games until I pass out.

Needs me a woman, I does.

Got myself one a few days later, and it did not work out at all. Got me another, then another, then decided that I did indeed need to lose some lbs. Not for them, but for me.

I sit here today at ~ 173, with sickness and dehydration effectively scuttling further reductions for a while. An easy 30 inches on the waistline, and wearing very loosely fitting cargoes (a belt would be required to go out and about for any extended period), a Small t-shirt (GI, and I’m absolutely in love with the fit), and a sweatshirt I bought last week.

When I get home at night, my brain is full of spreadsheets, and I want to engage in some sort of mindless activity until I pass out.

My fiction now is that I could gain a bunch of weight were I to start working out. Since every time I do, I do, it’s closer to the truth than I’d like.

But there’s still some flab. Go figure. I’m not anywhere near where I was, and a lot closer to “normal” than I ever have been. I love my life, and nearly all parts of it.

I’m Happy.

I think. Lately, I’ve been getting the headaches again, but it could be the attendant dehydration from prolonged flu-like symptoms. I’ve also been dealing with Angry McBhagwan, who seems to have returned from vacation at the same time I started being content, happy, and equinamous.

somehow, that’s okay.

TIme to yell at the cable company. wish me luck