There’s only so far you can pay it forward

But I’m sure this will come back to haunt me.

I did a calculation of the calories in the pie I baked last night.

I made “substitutions”

It tastes just as good as the others on the series.

And it’s better for me than I could have hoped for.

This is the second Pie I have baked in the last few days. In fact, it’s the second pie I’ve baked in this exact pie crust. The first one just never set right, and I decided to freeze it as “pudding” for inclusion in a later baked good. The main impetus here is that once you buy the milk, you pretty much have to bake with it.

So I did. I had enough milk for two pies. These are custard pies. Which means I also need eggs.

Got it.

I started making custard pies this holiday season because I’m a cheap bastard. For me, it makes more sense to buy a dozen eggs at $2 than to buy a pint of “egg beaters” at the same price point. Mainly because the Dozen eggs allow me to have three or four egg-white omelettes (Delicious ones, at that), and manually separate out yolks to use at a later date. (ed. It makes even more sense (fiscally and otherwise) to simply throw the yolks away. We’ll not go into that particular crazy at this time.)

So I’ve got 8 egg yolks. Recipe calls for either 4 whole eggs, or 8 egg yolks. Depending on how healthy you shop, an egg has about 70 calories, 40-50 are from fat. It’s a “good” fat, but a fat nonetheless. An Egg White has between 15 and 30 calories, and has no carbs, and no fat. If’n you are math oriented ( and I know that you are), it is clear that what I actually have is either 280 calories of eggs, or 320 calories of egg fat with which to make my pie.

We’ll come back to this.

I’m a huge fan of Xylitol. It tastes like sugar, it bakes like sugar, and costs 5 times as much as sugaer. So, when I have a bunch left over in the casa, I pretty much have to use it. Because it’s there, and it cost a lot.

It also has no calories.

0

The aforementioned milk. Milk is all carbs, all the time. Again, good carbs. I drink/use non-fat milk, because, really, I’m not supposed to drink any. Recipe calls for 2 2/3 cups scalded milk (scalding milk is a trick old wives used to get their bread to rise better. It also has the practical benefit of killing germs that will kill you. In a world of flash pasteurization, it’s not really necessary)

So, my milk has 80 calories a cup (8 oz), and no fat. Again with the math, that’s 213 calories of milk.

Try as I might, I just can’t find a crust recipe (that I like) that does not involve corn starch. So I’ve taken the shortcut of buying a pre-packaged crust. This crust, as a whole, is pretty much the worst thing I can do to my pie.

The crust clocks in at 110 calories a slice, 45 of which are from fat. This is in no way a good fat.

Spices have no calories. just flavor. We will ignore them here. There is a trivial amount of salt necessary to start certain chemical reactions associated with baking.

Yes, you are required to add salty salt to sweet things in order to make them sweet. Go figure.

As reported earlier, pie number one is victim to an error in timing. It does not rise (even though I totally scalded that milk) or set to my liking. This happens if you bake a custard for too long, but I was very worried that I had underbaked. Underbaking is bad, when you have dairy products.

So the custardy goodness (which also has a banana, and a smidge of apricots) waits in the deep freeze for another day. Total throw weight of 550 calories for the batch (including the fruit). About half of that is fat.

As mentioned previously, I am a cheap bastard. I save the crust.

It cost money, you know.

But I do not buy another dozen eggs. Pie Number two is made with egg beaters, in the proportions necessary to simulate 4 whole eggs.

Egg calories, 120
Milk calories, 213
Sweetener calories, 0
Spice calories, 0

Filling calories (FOR THE ENTIRE PIE!) ~333

The Crust is sized for ten slices

So, each slice of my delicious custard pie has Protien, necessary carbs and dairy, vitamins, and then a crust. It also “costs” 145 calories.

And if you throw away the crust…

Breakfast this morning was 2 1/2 slices of pie, with only one slice of crust. Chased by 4 oz of V8 (30 calories)

Now, THAT’s a Delicious Egg Omelette, my freinds!

P.S. Just as hungry after eating it as I was before. But Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise. Chicken for lunch, then Fruit for afternoon meal. Saturday’s CAKEAPALOOZA will not haunt me. In fact, hydration and Day 1 dropped off 3 lbs of the excesses already.

Although the sweet, sweet memory of Chocolate Suicide Cake will be with me forever.